This was the old me...
Once I became a wife and a Mum I just stopped looking after myself...
When I got married I was about 80kg's and by the end of that same year, I was 110kg
I became a people pleaser and I stopped worrying about myself.Â
Most days I wouldn't even remember to eat until night time.
 Then I'd binge eat on all the wrong things: Biscuits, chocolate, chips, pudding - those were my comfort foods
So, after having 5 kids and living like this for years...Â
I got up to my heaviest weight of 160kg
And even though I didn't show it on the outside...
I was broken on the inside
But I still thought I was doing the right thing.Â
As long as my family was being looked after, they were healthy and safe
I thought this is what I have to keep doing, this is what being a Mum is...
So I just kept going, trying to stay strong and push through all the mental struggles
Until one day, I hit the ultimate rock bottomÂ
I don't like to talk about this often it's not who I am at all....Â
But I reached a point where I wanted to commit suicide
On that morning...
I put on my happy face, got the kids ready for school and kindy, jumped in the car and dropped them off...
As soon as they jumped out of the car, I burst in to tears
I just had so much pent up pain and suffering...
I drove home,
I walked in the front door and went straight in to the garage
At the time, we had a boxing bag hangining in there and I thought that's where I'm going to do it...
Still in hysterics
But then a thought popped in my head...Â
What about when the kids come home and find me
And that thought is what stopped me from doing it right there and then
So I went inside and sat on the couch, still crying my eyes out
 and I started thinking of another way and place to do it...
and I started talking to God
- I'm not trying to preach here but this is the 100% truth -Â Â
I prayed and I asked god that if he doesn't want me to do this...
To give me a sign
Straight up 20 minutes later there was a knock at the doorÂ
I didn't answer it
I was way to messy to see anyone
But once they left I opened the door
And they had left something for me on my doorstep
It was a bunch of flowers and a card
It was from some people from church and the card just saidÂ
Hey ari, we just wanted to thank you for everything you do and we felt moved to give you this little token of our appreciation
That was the sign I needed
Right there, I stopped all those thoughts and I made a decision...
I decided that for me to be the best I can be
As a women and as a Mum
I have to stop with the people pleasing, I have to stop putting myself in to this rut
And I have to make myself stronger
That was when the new me was born